200 years ago ( more or less) our ancestors were building the Stockton to Darlington railway line and fighting the first Anglo-Burmese War.

We’d smashed French hopes of domination a decade before and we ruled the seas.

If we wanted something, we took it, by trade or force or both.

The greatest empire the world has ever known.

All from this tiny island.

We brought an almost universal language, education and modes of government that still exist in many places.

We weren’t very nice but we were driven.

A hundred years later and despite the immense losses of WW1, we still ruled a vast empire and the country was a hothouse of scientific and cultural progress.

Coal exports ( exports ) had slowed and this would cause issues but our impact on the world stage was still immense.

A hundred years later and we’re importing coal from Japan to feed the last remnants of a shattered steel industry.

Hundreds of third world, fighting age men arrive every day and instead of pressing them into service or sending them straight back to mainland Europe, we give them housing, phones and money.

They want for nothing while our people are taxed more and more and more.

People have been locked up for YEARS for words on a screen that challenge this new normal and the robbery, rape and murder increases that have followed.

In 1985, 1800 rape offences were recorded.

In 24/25 it’s 68,000.

And nothing is done.

We’re continually told that diversity is our strength, a lie on a par with Arbeit Macht Frei.

We’re bigots for noticing, for complaining, for protesting when little girls are butchered and our own government colludes in a cover up of the facts because they’re so scared.

Of us.

Our ancestors were barbarians, they took what they wanted by force, held it by force and gave zero fucks.

We’re not that far different, we’ve been indoctrinated with a drip-feed of how they think we SHOULD behave, but the walls are crumbling.

They’re worried about what comes next.

They should be.

They’ve done nothing to fix this for years and I have a bridge to sell you if you think that ANY party is different.

I’ve used a photo of Milo lying in the sun with some beer that I took a few minutes ago deliberately.

This is my land, my England, my way of life.

I’m fucked if I’m letting it go without a fight.

Let’s be Barbarians again.

Tomorrow will be day ten since I left my job behind, waving a teary farewell and leaving things behind.

A new start.

A clean slate.

Well.

Sort of.

One of the reasons that I left was the introduction of a new senior management team with the emotional intelligence of a wasp nest, they didn’t even wait for me to leave before they made a move on one of my offshore people.

He made the fatal mistake of not bouncing around like a hyperactive puppy when the MD and COO visited the country and office that he works in.

That was enough to seal his probable fate, he’d already raised a bullying case against an in country senior manager (that he didn’t report to).

I tried really hard to show the seniors just what a good boy I could be if I wanted to – and that it was a conscious decision to do so.

More of this later.

I picked up a new car on day one and also got my nomination papers in for the local elections, we’re unopposed- so I’m a councillor again.

I had a call with the RAF Cadets to become a trustee and security checks notwithstanding ( amusingly I already hold an above TS clearance via MOD but they have to do the checks apparently) I’m in.

I’m looking forward to that.

And I’ve spent almost every day working outside, building things, repairing, painting and oiling, cutting, shredding and burning, digging and moving wood and earth.

It’s been lovely.

The doglets have spent every day outside with me and watched with interest when I measured, cut and fitted new aluminium trim for my office decking.

Cairo helped me dig over the earth in the wildflower area and Milo is as fit ( if not as young) as he’s ever been.

One of my neighbours may have some occasional work for me to keep the bank balance topped up and I don’t miss work at all.

One of my major gripes when I resigned was that instead of backfilling me, they dumped my whole team onto my best friend – she already had half of the staff and this gave her nearly everybody for no more money, a change in grade or anything material at all.

She then inherited the issue with the offshore guy that they’re stitching up.

So, I’ve found him a lawyer and when they make a move on him in a week or two, he’ll be ready.

He’s also already shortlisted for five jobs.

As for me.

Being nice was always a conscious decision, I hit them with a DSAR on the day that I left, I suspect that I’ll find some interesting communication between a few people.

And more importantly.

It’ll have pissed them off.

Really pissed them off.

Not as much as when the offshore guy does it in conjunction with his lawyer of course.

Or when my friend resigns tomorrow morning as she has a new job outside the toxic shitshow that things have become.

I’ve got people coming for Easter so this week will be a blur of preparation, shopping and picking people up.

It’s going to be busy.

But fun.

And on my own timescales.

I’ll probably only write about the ex-job one more time. When my DSAR comes in ( if it’s interesting, otherwise I won’t bother)

I’ll stay in touch with the Feral Pony Club

https://smallthunderdog.blog/2025/03/30/feral-pony-club/

Because tomorrow (or whenever they find out that my friend is leaving) will sting.

And I’ll help them with whatever they need.

I finally leave my job tomorrow and I’m treating it seriously.

I’ll check and respond to all emails, sign off expenses and reflect on the past six years.

They’ve been really good, I’ve had trips to Malaysia and Australia, Dublin and a load of very, very interesting places in the UK where they do secret and important things.

But 2024 was the highlight, I created and recruited a new team and they are….

Genuinely the best I’ve ever worked with.

The UK contingent (plus my best friend ) is in the first photo and that’s my leaving do, we left the bulk of the people in the bar to do photos.

Oh yeah.

We all had the same shirts and My Little Pony temp tattoos on our left cheekbones. (don’t ask)

That’s me in the black t-shirt.

We started drinking just before 4pm and drank for just under 11 hours, apparently there was some projectile vomiting and I have a lovely bruise on my back after a poor dismount from the bar stool that I stood on to give my leaving speech.

There was a big turnout and people travelled some impressive distances, but in the long run, it was the feral pony club that mattered and I’m going to treasure the memory of our last night.

I have some presents from the wider teams and I thought that was it.

Until yesterday when a surprise package appeared at my house.

An engraved pewter bottomed glass with all their names on it.

I’m not ashamed to say that I had something in my eye

Our story probably isn’t over and I have some updates on my leaving that I’ll leave for a day or two.

But for today.

I did something right.

I’m so fucking proud of them all.

I’m not going all biblical, it’s just the most well known description of a mythical light-bringer.

You can add Eos, Helel, Phosporos and Aurora to the list.

And I think that’s important right now.

Our little world is getting darker, the news is awful on a daily basis and there’s no let-up in sight.

So we have to generate our own light.

Not an original thought, obviously.

Marcus Aurelius wrote this.

‘Think of yourself as dead. You have lived your life. Now, take what’s left and live it properly. What doesn’t transmit light creates its own darkness.’

It’s not a bad way to think, he also wrote this.

‘When you arise in the morning think of what a privilege it is to be alive, to think, to enjoy, to love.’

And that should be our revenge against THEM and the status quo, if things are bad, try to find a way to make them better.

If we don’t?

Nobody will.

This is my council tax bill, I’m responsible for the 9.9% increase part. It’s fuck all, but we’ll spend it on things that people actually tell us they want rather than hoping Shropshire will sort everything (they won’t).

And we’ll try to do good with the money, more poo bins, more footpath work, more drop in meetings with sandwiches.

My book is published and I have copies for all my team (who don’t know I’ve written it ) that I’ll give them as a memento on my last day.

As for them, I couldn’t be prouder if they were my own children, multiple award nominations (including national) and more to the point:

Our WhatsApp chat is full of how they’ll send me off (and whether arrests will occur).

I’m looking forward to the weeks and months to come, of spring and summer without an hour by hour schedule and spending as much time as possible outside with the doglets.

As for them.

I sometimes think that they’re possessed by demons.

But they’re small demons of light that make me laugh.

Little Lucifers

What matters to you personally?

Is it money, true love, material possessions, the respect of others, climbing up the treacherous ladder of success?

Whatever it is, I wish you well and hope that you achieve a modicum of happiness.

For me, I’m becoming less driven by a single idea or ideal and I’ve begun to let go and just enjoy the days and hours.

It’s been a strange week in a number of ways but I’m lying on a sofa in the sun, music in the background and a beer to sip while I type.

The views from this sofa are spectacular and it’s probably my favourite spot in the house, it helps that it’s in the kitchen.

So what’s been strange about the week?

Well.

I’ve stopped taking new meetings and took part in an all day briefing meeting for my team and the team that they’ll be working closely with as from April.

It ended at 3am for me, in a club in Soho.

More on that in a while.

I finished my book and it’s ready for pre-order on Kindle and Amazon paperback – I have no idea if it’s any good, but fuck it.

I’ve ordered some author copies so that I can give them to my team on my last day in the office – and we’ll see what happens.

I had a call with my pension advisor and we’re looking at a plan for the next couple of years – I may continue work or not.

Depends how much I like being on my own clock.

I had a meeting with Shropshire council to try to sort some road issues out for some parishioners and I’ve helped a chap with his planning application for a single house on 11 acres of land.

I also found out that not only has one of my team been bullied by senior management in a country far,far away, but they’ve tried to close ranks and stitch him up because he logged a grievance.

We have a call to discuss the situation next week with HR and management, I’m going to fucking eviscerate them.

I’ve heard from the guy trying to arrange the Wembley concert and he has a meeting with Wembley on Tuesday- he also has a retired Paratroop General on the committee now.

And…..

After the team meeting on Thursday, we went for dinner (for 12 people) and we were joined by somebody I’ve mentioned before – The Smurf.

Our history is complicated to say the least but she’s one of my best friends, she’s 19 years younger, has a husband, two kids, a lovely dog, a job and a good life.

The plan was for her to be my guardian angel for my leaving do on the 26th as I think it’s got the possibility to be epic.

But.

She needs an emergency operation at the end of the week or she might die.

Not hyperbole or exaggeration.

And the op is massive and life changing.

So, the end of Thursday night was mostly listening to her while we tried to dance and look normal in a series of bars and clubs.

I put her in a cab at 3 and went back to my club, luckily I’d been up for 23 hours so I managed a couple of hours sleep before leaving at 6 to come home.

I’ll catch up properly with her tomorrow to get the latest and to tell her that although I probably don’t believe in a deity, I’ll ask every day for her to still be here for the foreseeable future.

I’ll also tell her that these lyrics from a song by Sixx AM inspired me to write about her today

‘Do you wanna see heaven tonight?
Underneath those lights you will look so beautiful
Do you wanna see the stars before they fall?
See the stars before they fall’

Life’s short.

Enjoy yours, hug your friends and lovers – call somebody that you’ve lost touch with.

Think about what really matters.

It’s too difficult to explain if you haven’t seen all this drama

In the end

But I needed to take a day off on Friday to go and see my aunt – she’s in a care home in Richmond, North Yorkshire.

It’s a nice place and the view is spectacular, her room faces out to this.

I had to take a large delivery of things that were delivered to the wrong address ( mine instead of the care home and my fuck-up) and also to make the point to the care home that the money is going fast and that they need to work with the council to change the payments.

The council have already agreed, so it’s just a timing error.

But it’s important, we need money in her account to pay for things she wants – or needs. Like emergency dental appointments and an extraction, which happened on Wednesday.

It’s a seven hour round trip plus stops and visiting time, so a bit of a full day, but I decided to use it as a dry run for my (not quite fully) planned road trip after I finish work and we get Easter out of the way.

So I took Cairo.

She was absolutely perfect for the whole trip, either dozing or just looking out of the window.

And the surprise she gave my aunt was priceless.

It lashed down with rain for most of the 175 miles home, but it was so nice to have done something good.

I’m incredibly relaxed today and I’m starting to look forward to having some real time to do nice things after March 31st.

It’s going to be fun.

‘Have you started winding down yet?’

I must have been asked that question twenty times last week.

It’s become annoying and I’m starting to be selectively rude up to the ‘why the fuck would I be doing that? I’ve got six weeks left and I’m still doing my fucking job’ point with one person.

It’s alien to me.

Why would I abandon my team or the colleagues that I actually like before my last day?

Weird.

The thing is though, politics has started to rear its ugly little head and something that I’ve been trying to get sorted for the whole group of companies could be derailed by somebody in my organisation who’s too scared to cross the road on their own, let alone take over some very interesting ( and very classified) stuff.

This could hurt my team in the long run and I’m not happy about it at all..

I’ll come back to this in a few paragraphs.

But otherwise, life is chilled and relaxed – I went to the launch party of a book written by an old friend —- https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B0DJQ2LC61/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0

And then had drinks with a friend who’s recovered from a brain inflammation, a pretty good night really.

The guy that I was talking to about the veterans’ concert sent me a song from ‘his’ band

And today, my little Milo who’s got arthritis and is taking some more drugs for doggie Asthma was so fit at the end of a four mile walk that he ran ahead of us.

And disappeared altogether.

He got home about FOUR MINUTES ahead of us.

I was relieved and so fucking proud that the little bastard still wants adventures.

So back to winding down and politics.

Until I leave I won’t and can’t say who I work for, but I was approached by somebody on Friday who is part of a joint venture with Italy and Japan.

Their part of the company has money like you wouldn’t believe.

But very little expertise in what my teams do.

They want a data centre (two actually) to be built and managed by my team.

I’m going to go to war for my staff to secure their future.

I’m not winding down for the next six weeks at all.

Milo’s showed me the way

‘Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can’t savor all the… little emotions. In… you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are.

So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did.

Would you like to know which of them were cowards?’

If you haven’t seen The Dark Knight, you really should.

A film that turns superhero mythology into something believable and terrifying and a scene that stays with you – how would YOU fare against that monster?

Fuck knows

Anyway, that’s not the point of this post, it’s not about bravery, imagined or real, it’s about the choices we have.

But if you want to stay with fiction, what about Galadriel ?

‘ I pass the test. I will diminish, and go into the West and remain Galadriel’

Given the opportunity to take everything, she steps back from something that would ultimately destroy her.

What about us though? How do we know if we have enough? What do we actually want?

I’ve mentioned a couple of times that I’ve given my notice at work and the last week or so has been weird.

(Mostly) younger people have asked if I’ve started to wind down, to be met with mild abuse, I’ll do that in my last couple of days, not with eight weeks to go.

I also talked to some people about starting something new within the wider company.

And I was tempted for a day or so. I was in London and London isn’t the real world.

It’s something I could do, I’m fucking good at that sort of thing and the lure of money is always there.

Then I got home.

I rescued a sparrowhawk from my hedge and watched the dogs play at sunset, I remembered that I WANT to go on a road trip and that I WANT to fix some things around the land.

I remembered why I’m quitting.

I’ve got more than enough money, my parents would be astonished at what I have – and if need be, I can downsize at some dim and distant point.

Or sell some gold or shares.

And quite frankly, the taxman can go and fuck himself – I’ve done enough.

So.

For my friends in the real world, the doglets and for me, corporate life ends on the 31st March.

I have passed this test.

I’ve now got about eight weeks left to go before I leave my job, I wondered if I was going to regret it by this point and maybe change my mind.

That’s a NO.

I wrote in this post about my vague plans for the future and they’re still vague, but things are starting to look interesting.

https://smallthunderdog.blog/2025/01/12/the-road-ahead/

I spent most of Thursday going through some real-world activities with my team, including public speaking training where I had to be the first presenter- just to make it all fair.

And..

They gave me thirty minutes to research, write and present on a subject of their choice.

Quantum Physics..

It was fine.

Then they had their turns and that was fine too.

I took them for a nice lunch upstairs at the Waterstones on Piccadilly, almost a perfect location, a huge bookstore with a restaurant and bar.

Then I took them through some more advanced commercial training around VERY difficult conversations.

We’ll be doing more before I leave and by the time we finish, nobody will be able to fuck with them.

On the same day, I got a formal invite to the book launch in Covent Garden next week of an old friend and we chatted.

I mentioned that I was writing a slightly bizarre management guide and I’ll now be chatting to her publisher at some point in the evening.

I then had dinner another evening of mild debauchery with The Smurf and when she left to go home, I had a nightcap in the bar of the Army and Navy Club.

Then it got interesting.

I was asked where I’d served – I never did but I did almost join the intelligence corps.

One of the people I was talking to had passed training for the paras but was injured before he could join the regiment.

We talked of various things and it turned out that we’d both been involved with the film Kajaki -( if you know my real name, you’ll see it in the credits towards the end ).

And we were both in awe of the genuine bravery of the unit’s medic. I’ve never heard anything like it.

After a while, he told me that he was trying to organise a concert at Wembley this year for WW2 veterans along the lines of Live Aid.

And I was sceptical, obviously.

Then he showed me his contacts list and some messages from quite a few people.

Including the managers of a couple of major rock bands.

He’s connected at almost every level and works for a hedge fund that has so much money that it’s almost incomprehensible.

I like him and believe him.

So we’ve swapped numbers and had a quick chat over the weekend and I’ve offered to help any way I can.

The idea of a concert for veterans is awesome.

I’m not passing this chance up.

So the future is still vague.

I’m still leaving, but life is there for the taking and I plan to have fun.

It’s just about getting dark on Sunday evening as I write this.

The dogs are gently snoring in front of the log-burner in the lounge and I’m in the kitchen multitasking.

I’m making a chicken stock for a soup tomorrow, I’m listening to music, drinking beer and writing this whilst half-looking out of the window at the hills and the sunset.

The frost is still on the ground and the last few years of living here have given me a feel for the slow change of the seasons that I’ve never had before.

With knowledge comes change.

I’m not the same man that I was, although he appears occasionally and I had a night of debauchery with an old friend that I call The Smurf on Thursday.

But it’s the slow changes that really matter.

Cairo is in for a minor op tomorrow and my whole diary will revolve around her, she’ll be terrified when I leave her at the Vet and she’ll be in paroxysms of ecstasy when she wakes up properly at home in my arms.

This is how life is supposed to be, I think.

So, having been asked whether I’m ‘on the bus’ at my annual review in December, it was a real pleasure to hand my notice in on the 2nd Jan.

It was even more fun to respond to an asinine question about whether I’d like to leave earlier with a storm of hard-learned legalese that had people panicking for a few hours.

I’ve broken the news to my team and apart from the dogs, they’re my focus for the next few months, I need to teach them some of the corporate dirty fighting that I’ve had to learn over decades and I’ll help them make their own decisions for the future.

As for me:

I have no plans at all really.

Nothing fixed.

I’ll do a road trip to see as many people as I can after things settle and I’ll bring Cairo with me.

I’m writing a ‘management’ book, but it’s nothing like normal books – I’m concentrating on real life rather than theory.

I’ll do more work on the house and grounds and I will probably do some short term engagements for some extra money

I won’t be a corporate drone and I’m not going to work for people with less morals than a bonobo ape.

The future isn’t set, but it may be fun.