I did absolutely nothing yesterday, or the nearest thing to it anyway.
I woke up early thanks to the crows that now seem to be exclusively settled by my cottage, helpfully telling each other that the sun has risen or that a squirrel has woken up – or something. It’s hard to tell with crows, they may just be trolling me for not letting them steal my sunglasses.
Deciding that I wouldn’t get back to sleep, I wandered blearily to the gym where I did a workout that I learned from ‘Felix’ – a commonwealth champion bodybuilder at Le Sport in St Lucia. He’s a fantastic trainer and hates being called Julian (his real name) – if you ever get the chance.
It’s a great workout and just uses a few light dumbbells – and it hurts.
Once I’d finished this act of self-abuse, I wandered languidly through the floral arches that link the pathways in the hotel and drifted into breakfast for my usual feast of pineapple juice and bran flakes.
I amused myself with catching up with Twitter while I ate, it was around 2.30 AM UK time, so there wasn’t a lot to read and I then ambled down to the sunbeds like a heavier-set, more thuggish Noel Coward, exuding calm English aplomb as I settled in to an hour of quality time with the Lord of the Rings soundtrack, pure blue skies and a blazing sun.
Having worked on my glowing tan for an hour, I floated languidly to the beach and into the cool embrace of the ocean, accepting the rolling breakers and drifting with the tide.
At no point did a big wave pick me up, hurl me seventy yards down the beach, pull my shorts to my knees and dump me underwater.
That didn’t happen, because nobody saw it.
Having now worked out that I was essentially a small floating toy as far as the currents and waves were concerned, I forgot about any dignity and actively sought the bigger breakers and let myself be smashed into the sand again and again, laughing aloud at times.
After frolicking in the ocean for an hour, I settled back into my sunbed and sought the solace of shade and relaxing music for another two hours before I drifted to my pre-booked, two hour massage session.
Ninety minutes of which I slept through.
I finished the day with a spicy local curry and vast quantities of the local vodka, eaten in full view of the sea that had made me feel like a little kid again.
Then went to bed, with the gentle serenade of the crows, doing their level best to keep me awake and occupied.
A pretty great day, all things considered.
Although, I now have a nice sunburn, thanks to the sea, the breeze and my losing track of time.
It was worth it.