‘Is it me, or are these humans not as devotional as perhaps they should be?’ Selene asked, her silver hair and exquisite face backlit by the sun, a glowing umbra around her body and diaphanous clothing.

‘I mean, they don’t seem to be awed by us at all’

Thor, who had been telling the story of how he had been fearless in battle, charging directly into a dark, chaotic horde of the jötnar; gave her a dirty look, he’d just been getting to the good part.

Selene ignored him, the sun was beginning the downward part of today’s journey, her skin would soon take on a faint glow and her eyes would become silver searchlights, bewildering men and inspiring their awe and devotion.

‘Just look at them, they’re so.

Fucking.

Vacant.’

Thor grimaced, he really, REALLY, wanted to finish his story, but she was right, these humans shouldn’t be able to look at him without crying out in terror and supplication.

‘WORSHIP ME! FALL TO YOUR KNEES, YOU HUMAN SCUM’, he bellowed it as he raised his hammer, Mjölnir above his head, arcs of blue lightning crashing to the heavens.

Selene laughed.

‘Nothing, see? They don’t care that the big, strong old god can flex his muscles, twirl his hair and make his hammer do tricks.’

She giggled.

‘It’s not like you’re actually dazzling them either are you girlie?’ Mars glowered at her from beneath a tree, his armour dazzling in the sunlight, his sword morphing between a bladed weapon and a ploughshare whenever the light changed.

Selene scowled at him.

‘No. And that’s the point, there’s something wrong here, not least the fact that you’re here and so’s that ginger thug’ -‘she gestured at Thor.

‘That we’re all here at the same time, in the same place, shouldn’t that tell you something? That it’s just wrong,and don’t get me started on the fucking humans…’ she tailed off, gesturing angrily at the assembled mouth breathers.

‘Who are you calling a thug, you fucking….’ Thor tailed off, realising that he’d been baited again.

‘She’s not wrong though.’ Murmured Persephone from the copse where Hades was nuzzling her neck. ‘We shouldn’t all be here at the same time. Our temples and followers aren’t supposed to be together, but they are.’

She waved airily at a line of golden and glowing temples that stretched as far as the eye could see.

Hades barely looked up from his ministrations, shrugged and carried on.

Then he frowned.

‘Can somebody shut those fucking dogs up please? I’m trying to concentrate.’

He resumed his nuzzling of Persephone’s neck, staring occasionally at the small, bat-eared dog and his slightly larger companion who were barking as if to announce the end of the world.

The dogs continued to bark and it seemed to Hades as if the words ‘get fucked’ could somehow be heard amongst the cacophony

‘Did y….’ He began, being drowned out by Thor’s bellow of ‘WHAT DID YOU FUCKING SAY? YOU CANINE RUNT’

Selene sighed.

‘Calm down, you ginger twat, the dog was only teasing y…… hang on. How come the dogs can understand us and the humans don’t even recognise us?’

Mars looked up from sharpening his sword – again.

‘I blame that priest and his plan to give me unlimited followers. I believed him, he told me I’d get a new temple to rival any other gods’ – he pointed his sword into the distance.

‘I did, but I’ve not seen a single follower since I got here, just all of you. And Selene’s correct, I shouldn’t be in the same place as a Norse thug with head injuries.’

Thor flexed his mighty arms, whirled his hammer and prepared to strike, lightning flashed, the sky grew dark and somewhere; the word Pansy was mixed in with dog barks.

He visibly deflated and then looked sharply at Mars.

‘Hang on. A priest? Old and wise looking, totally devoted to you ? Making you feel like the old times are coming back ?’

Mars nodded and both Hades and Persephone started shouting. Selene looked shocked.

‘So. That’s all of us. Mine was a priestess, kind and fair, she told me that the world was missing my wisdom and power, that I’d have visitors to my temple every day.’

‘We were all lured here, but why ? There’s no divine punishment, no eagles, no rocks up a hill, nothing. Just these idiot fucking humans staring at us all day’

A snigger came from the trees.

And a form emerged.

‘LOKIIIIIIIII’ Thor bellowed.

‘IS THIS YOUR DOING?’

Loki sighed.

‘I was bored and I read something about quantum entanglement’ – they all stared at him with varying degrees of vacuity.

The word ‘read’ had confused most of them.

‘And I thought it’d be fun to play with the various fabrics across the multiverse.’

He sat on the floor and smiled.

And so here you are, mighty heroes, warriors, goddesses who inspire complete devotion, you’re here because you wanted devotion from humans who’ve moved on from you and who worship humans who are usually more venal and stupid than they are.’

‘And I was bored.’

‘To be honest, I’m still bored, so after sundown tonight, I’m letting you all go. But before then, let me show you what they see out there.’

The air in front of him and the humans behind rippled and it looked for all the world as if the smaller of the two dogs was grinning nastily.

And a mirror of sorts appeared.

The temples were gone – replaced by small sheds.

And they.

They.

The mighty gods were gone.

Replaced by a group of donkeys.

A sign in front of their fence had all of their names along with the words, ‘Uncle Lowkey’s Donkey Sanctuary’

Loki’s laughter filled the air.

And.

The sun began to move towards the horizon and it seemed to the visitors as if the assembled donkeys all sighed at the same time before wandering into the field to vanish into an early evening mist.

The dogs sniffed the air, decided they were bored and pulled their leads towards the waiting car.