We all dream, well; nearly all of us.
There are notable exceptions but even those who claim not to dream probably do, they just don’t remember.
There’s no single unifying theory of why we dream or what the purpose is of dreaming at all.
Dreams seem to be connected to the brain’s offline work on memory and emotion and the content and presence of dreams can be linked (sometimes) .
But….. no theory fully explains why dreams take the forms they do, why most are forgotten, or why the subjective experience is necessary.
The studies have moved beyond the idea that dreams are pure random noise, but it’s not converged on one single purpose.
Sometimes we appear in other people’s dreams and only if they tell us, will we ever find out.
I appeared offstage and out of sight of a friend’s dream last night and she messaged me to tell me the strange details.
I ran the details through an AI and the results were rather sweet, they made me smile and I forwarded them to her and she agreed with the sweetness of the analysis- I have no idea about some of the details.
And this got me thinking, I quite often remember my dreams but I very rarely dream of real people that I know; and if I do, the results are usually surreal.
I’ve mentioned on here a number of times that I like writing, I like the process and usually let my mind stray while I’m writing, the results can be erratic.
Occasionally, I’ll take inspiration from others and the story below was a direct challenge from somebody to write about Autism.
I had a friend with a son who was very autistic and spent some time talking to the family to get an idea of how things might appear to him.
And then this came to mind.
With Thanks to Bram Stoker
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 19th 2007 19:00
Hello.
Doctor John has asked me to talk to the digital recorder as a way of helping to improve my communication skills as part of my treatment. He says that the recordings will be completely confidential, but that’s obviously wrong if he’s going to listen to them. So I’ve changed the encryption algorithm to a 256 bit key that only I know, it is completely confidential now. I’m sure that this is helpful.
Doctor John wants me to talk about the way that I think about things so that he can understand better and help me and Mum more. He’s asked me to keep the recorder until December 24th, which is also Christmas Eve and 578016 as a number. I want to help Doctor John, he’s a nice man, but Mum has told me never to talk about The Plan with anybody, so I can’t tell him about that. Doctor John is trying to understand how I can do sums in my head faster than his calculator, but it’s annoying that he doesn’t understand me when I tell him that the numbers are shapes that make a new shape when they’re calculated. He knows that I can do computer stuff like changing the algorithm on the upload of the voice recorder to the PC really well, so he must understand that part otherwise he wouldn’t have told me about the completely confidential part of the recording unless he wanted me to change it.
Mum’s making fish fingers for Dinner tonight, I like fish fingers. I always have three and they are always in a triangle on my plate so that I can put beans in the middle. I like beans. Mum’s putting the plates and knives and forks and glasses on the table now and she’s waving at me to come and sit down.
Bye
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 19th 2007 19:55
Hello.
I’ve finished Dinner now and Mum says that I can talk for a few minutes more before I get ready for bed. Dinner was very nice; the fish fingers were in a perfect triangle and were all the same colour, which is good. The beans filled up the middle and I ate those first, then I ate the fish fingers and then my bread and butter. I had milk; I like milk, especially the milk with the blue top.
Mum asked me to talk about the fish fingers which is still a silly name, everybody knows that fish don’t have fingers and even though I know that that’s what they’re called, I still think that it’s silly and that they should be called something else like fish rectangles or something.
Time for bed now.
Bye
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
November 19th 2007 19:00
I’m just transcribing my thoughts from today’s session with Tim Matthews and I confess that I still find myself perplexed by him. He presents all of the normal symptoms of a high-function autistic child with savant abilities. Tim is almost supernaturally fast at numeric calculation and seems to understand the native operating language of any electronic device that he’s exposed to. Brain scans show a great deal of right-brain activity, which, once again, is normal.
There’s something else going on though. He has a secret that he can’t or won’t share and I’m sure that this secret is the key to modifying his treatment to gain some real improvements.
I’ve given him an identical voice recorder to the one that I use myself and have asked him to talk about his thoughts when he wants to in the hope that he will talk about whatever the secret is that he’s withholding from me. I’m convinced that this will be of great help to both him and Jean, his mother. We’ve agreed that he’ll use it for a month and then hand it to me for review; I know that this is a long shot, but I’ve found myself that talking things out can be very helpful sometimes.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 25th 2007 18:54
Hello
Mum’s been really busy at work and I’ve been having my Dinner late for the past few days so that’s why I haven’t been talking to you for a while. Mum’s ordered Chinese food for Dinner tonight because she’s too tired to cook. I want to help her, but I don’t like the feel of some of the food and Mum says it makes it difficult for her to work around me.
I have to see Doctor John again on Tuesday and I really want to tell him about The Plan because he’s not doing things properly and it’s really annoying. Mum says that I can’t though and that NOBODY can ever know about The Plan. She gets the scared look on her face when she says that and I have to cuddle her to make it better.
Chinese food is nice and I like the little crackers that they put in the box even though Mum never orders them.
That’s the doorbell; I have to answer the door like a good boy.
Bye.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
November 26th 2007 21:05
Today’s session with Tim was more confusing than usual. We did the normal exercises and he made a point of telling me that he’s been talking to his digital recorder. He even knew how many seconds of pause time he’d recorded. He was unusually tactile today and made a point of cuddling his mother twice during the session.
Lucy was observing the session as usual and saw that on both occasions that Tim cuddled his mum; she had looked worried for some reason just beforehand. I have to say that Lucy is becoming invaluable in these sessions as she can observe the parents’ reactions while I concentrate on the child. Her dark eyes seem to miss nothing.
When I replay the session in my mind, I can see that Tim seemed hesitant just before the cuddles and that I had the distinct impression that he wanted to tell me something.
This is becoming a very curious case.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 27th 2007 18:43
Hello.
I don’t want to talk today. I made Mum sad because I nearly told Doctor John about The Plan.
Bye.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 28th 2007 19:03
Hello.
I watched Batman on the DVD player after school today. I like Batman but don’t like Robin, he’s got a silly name and his costume is red and yellow and green. Yuck. Mum’s making spaghetti for Dinner tonight, I like spaghetti because it’s funny to eat and it makes a good mess around my mouth. Mum pretends that she’s annoyed by the mess, but she has a happy face when she thinks that I’m not looking at her.
I can stay up late tonight Mum says. I think that it’s because it’s been a year since Dad had to go away. That’s 365 days or eight thousand seven hundred and sixty hours or five hundred and twenty five thousand six hundred minutes or thirty one million five hundred and thirty six thousand seconds. Mum has a sad face now so I’m going to go and cuddle her.
Bye.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
November 29th 2007 19:03
Hello.
I don’t want to talk today. Mum’s crying.
Bye.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
December 3rd 2007 22:30
A very frustrating session today. Tim was incommunicative and sullen and Lucy reports that his mother just looked at the floor. Lucy said that Jean looked as she’d been crying for days, but there were no clues to be gained from Tim at all. He had such an accusing look on his face for the whole session that I was vaguely disturbed. Tim is a big boy and possibly weighs as much as I do, I certainly wouldn’t want him to be so upset with me that it became physical.
Why did I say that?
Tim has never presented any symptoms of physical aggression to date; he’s actually one of the most affectionate patients that I’ve ever worked with.
Perhaps I’m just tired, my workload seems to be increasing and I’m having very vivid dreams at the moment.
Last night, I dreamed that I was out running with Lucy and that she climbed a tree, daring me to follow her. Her eyes were so alive and full of joy that I followed her without thinking, even though I don’t like heights during waking hours. I don’t know why I’m having these dreams; we have the most professional relationship that I know of, rarely discussing anything that isn’t related to work. I don’t know anything about her home life or even what she’s interested in outside work.
God! I’m rambling tonight, just as that other, fictional, John Seward who so inspired me so very much when I was younger, rambled on about his personal thoughts in the early stages of his voice recordings. He talked at length about a Lucy as well. Perhaps the unhappy outcome of that relationship is at the back of my mind.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 6th 2007 18:23
Hello.
We practiced for the nativity play at school today. I’m a sheep. Mrs Bradshaw says that I’m a good sheep because I do exactly what I’m told. The costume is itchy though and it’s very hot, but I’m a good boy and don’t scratch myself when other people are around anymore. Mum says that because I’ve been so good, I can watch Batman again before I go to bed and I can have three fish fingers, some beans and some chips for Dinner tonight. Batman is always good and he’s always right even though people don’t want him to do or say some things. Batman always has a plan to get important things done even when he’s not allowed to do anything himself. I don’t know if Batman likes fish fingers and beans though, but I do so perhaps he does too. Mum’s calling.
Bye.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
December 10th 2007 23:47
So tired tonight, but I can’s seem to get any rest. I’ve tried taking a bath, listening to music and drinking the best part of a bottle of port left over from last Christmas. There’s so little to look forward to this year that I think that I’d rather be working. Some of my married friends have invited me over for lunch, but I get restless too easily at the moment and I’d only spoil it for them.
Tim’s session today was much the same as last week; he was only interested in talking about being a sheep. He’s a good sheep, he says. I have to confess that the thought makes me smile, I’m sure that he is, he seems to be able to do most things that he applies his mind to. I saw the look on Lucy’s face when Tim was talking about his costume and she had such a bittersweet expression that even now, hours later, I can feel my heart skip a beat. I think that I’m drunk.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
December 10th 2007 23:59
Scratch that last comment. I am drunk, really, really drunk. I think that the combination of Christmas coming up and my complete lack of progress with Tim is affecting me. Who’d have thought all those years ago when Uncle George gave me that first edition copy of the book, signed by Stoker himself that it would have such an effect on my life. What a sick, sad, ironic joke. I’m a psychiatrist – check. I voice-record my diary- check. I have a patient that I really don’t understand- check. I’m obsessed with somebody who doesn’t know I exist – check.
Enough.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 14th 2007 19:33
Hello.
We did the nativity play today. I was a sheep. Mum was crying when the play finished, but she was smiling as well. I don’t really know that face very well; I’ll ask Doctor John what it means when I see him in three days. Except that it’s not really three days, it’s sixty eight hours from now. I need to tell Doctor John about The Plan because he’s doing it all wrong and that’s a Bad Thing. I’m having sausages for Dinner tonight; sausages are nice but not as nice as fish fingers. Mum says that because I was such a good sheep, I can watch Batman again before I go to bed. That’s a Good Thing. I’m going to cuddle Mum now.
Bye.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
December 17h 2007 21:39
Tim’s session today was the most disturbing that we’ve had so far and I don’t know if it means that we’re making progress or if I’m uncovering other, deeper rooted problems. The session started normally, with Tim talking about his nativity play again, apparently it was last Friday and he was a good sheep. He then asked me why his Mum would smile when she was crying and I explained the concept of happy tears to him. I think that it may take a while for that concept to sink in.
We went on to talk about school, he’s still doing well in lessons and is top of the class in maths and computing, again no surprises there.
Then things changed.
I asked him if there was anything else that he wanted to share with me. I’m still convinced that he has another gift that he doesn’t discuss in our sessions and his face became very red and he suddenly started shouting at the top of his voice that I was doing it all wrong, that I would ruin it and it would be my fault. While I did my best to cope with the outburst, Lucy was watching Jean and saw something very worrying.
Jean was visibly terrified and was shrinking away from the boy as if she expected a blow at any moment. I hadn’t considered the issue of violence with Tim before as he’s always been a placid and affectionate boy, but I can see now that there is a potential for violence that can’t be overlooked. This may also explain why Jean always wears her jacket or long sleeved tops and blouses when she brings Tim to the sessions. I had originally thought that she was just being overly formal, but now I wonder, as does Lucy whether the sleeves are there to cover up bruises?
I have one more session before Christmas and I am very worried that something important is slipping away from me here.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 17th 2007 17:05
Hello.
Mum has got her scared face on again today. I don’t like that face. She’s calling me now.
Bye.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 17th 2007 19:18
Hello.
Mum has talked to me for a long time, it was fifty three minutes and forty two seconds and she’s asked me to make a promise, just like Batman did when his Mum and Dad were killed.. Except that Batman promised to become a crime fighter and I promised to never talk to Doctor John about The Plan. Mum had her scared face on again so I promised. I don’t like to see Mum with the sad or scared face. She thinks that we’ll be made to live in different houses. But Doctor John is doing it all wrong. I don’t know how to help with The Plan now because I can’t talk about it any more.
I’ve got cheese sandwiches and crisps for Dinner tonight. But no onions, I don’t like onions.
Bye.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 19th 2007 19:00
Hello.
Mum has put the Christmas tree up tonight and I helped her to decorate it. She said that I’m a good boy. Mum has put my list for Santa on the fireplace so that he knows what to bring me on Christmas Day. Santa will be here in seven thousand five hundred and one minutes and I’ll have presents when I wake up. I hope Santa brings a nice present for Mum.
Bye.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 23rd 2007 18:59
Hello.
Mum’s making fish fingers for Dinner again tonight because I’ve been a good boy. I like fish fingers, especially with beans. I have to go to see Doctor John tomorrow but I can’t talk about The Plan, even though he’s getting it all wrong still. I know what to do though, but after tomorrow I can never see Doctor John or Lucy again. I can see that I have a sad face when I look in the mirror.
Bye.
The Audio Diary of Doctor John Seward M.D P.H.D
Via Digital Recording
December 24th 2007 20:01
I don’t know what to say about Tim’s session today. It’s probably not a good idea to analyse it in depth tonight anyway. So much has happened so quickly and I still have much to do tonight. What I will say though is that when Tim suddenly leapt up from his chair and ran at Lucy with that strange light shining in his eyes; a much brighter light than the ambient lighting should have allowed, I was the most frightened that I have ever been in my life.
And yet.
And yet I ran to her side even though my legs hardly worked at all.
Enough of this, there’s too much to do and the doorbell is ringing. It’s probably the cab. I’m scared again.
Tim’s Audio Diary
Via Digital Recording
December 24th 2007 20:05
Hello.
Mum has a new face on tonight. I’ve never seen this one before and I can’t ask Doctor John what it means anymore because I’ll never see him or Lucy again. Doctor John forgot to ask for his digital recorder today and I’m a good boy and don’t steal things, so I’ll ask Mum to send it back to him in case he’s worried about it.
I made The Plan happen right today, just like Batman would do if he wasn’t allowed to talk about it. When Doctor John was asking me questions about what Santa was going to bring me and Lucy was watching Mum like she always does, I got up from my chair and ran to Lucy. The Plan was so clear in my head then that I could see all of it. Doctor John had a scared face on when I ran at Lucy and he ran to Lucy as well and he grabbed her hand to keep her away from me and then he wrapped his arms round her. And The Plan was good again.
I could see a really, really bright light, much brighter than the sun, when Doctor John grabbed Lucy’s hand and The Plan was really clear in my head, much clearer than usual. Doctor John is in a silver car right now and he’s going to where Lucy lives. That’s a Good Thing.
In one hundred and six thousand two hundred and sixty minutes, Doctor John and Lucy will get married.
On October the seventh two thousand and nine at eleven o clock in the morning, Doctor John will be a Dad and Lucy will be a Mum.
Their baby will be a girl, that’s called a daughter and not a son.
She is in The Plan and she is going to be SO important to everybody in the world in twenty eight years three months and eleven days or ten thousand three hundred and twenty eight hours.
I’ve been a good boy I think. I hope that Santa will still bring me my presents.
Merry Christmas.
Bye.
—————————————
After I showed my friends this story, they gave me a copy of the Curious Incident of the Dog in Night Time.
After reading it, I was quite pleased that my small hero wasn’t too far from a very well respected book in the way that I presented him.
Lucy in my story was a real person and the dream was as I wrote it. I still remember it to this day and I remember her fondly.
As for my friend, I find myself quite touched by her strange and surreal dream and the part (out of sight and offstage though it was) that I played in it.
