Documented Dogs

We were in the kitchen, I was cooking their food for the next few days and I’d sat on the sofa with a beer .

I was quickly colonised by the doglets and their bickering made a nice counterpoint to the music playing in the background- Halestorm’s Familiar Taste of Poison.

Milo was sniggering that his Blue Tick status on twitter was annoying some supposed adults and Cairo was giving him her Indignant Teddy Bear stare.

‘So.. why is HE verified and I’m not? Is it because he’s older and slower and doesn’t kill anything or otherwise do anything around here apart from showing how versatile his ears are?’

I pretended that I couldn’t hear anything and Milo just continued to do his Muttley impersonation.

Cairo yawned, slowly and deliberately, staring at him while she did so, her large jaws that had killed so many things recently were filled with sharp, shiny teeth.

Milo stopped his laughing.

She looked at me again.

Come on. Why is HE verified and I’m not? I’m just as cute – even if he’s slightly more famous.

I swigged some beer and looked into the middle distance, the hills offering no inspiration.

‘It’s like this. Milo’s is the account that I use when I want to annoy people. Yours is all sweet pictures and the odd death statistic. Also. You can only have one verified account on a phone. So…..’

She stared at me some more and Milo..

The little shit. Said.

‘Well that’s simple. Just get another phone and you can verify her too. Can’t you? ‘

They both stared at me, orange eyes glowing with some hidden amusement.


Cairo raised her head up, and showed her teeth again. I swear that she sounded like Glenn Close for a few seconds.

‘That’s a good idea Milo, or I can wait until you have an accident….’

She grinned.

Milo put a small paw onto my leg , stared up at me with his best floppy ear look and made his suggestion.

‘It’s her birthday in July. Perhaps you can verify her then…’

‘Yeah ok. I suppose. As long as it’s still funny. Might be even funnier with two of you.


I’m getting worried about how much you’re ganging up on me lately though, you’re enjoying it far too much.’

They grinned again and padded to the oven to indicate that it was time for their dinner to be served.

I took a long swig of my beer and consoled myself with knowing that the little shits were getting their jabs in a few weeks.

And another Sunday was nearly over.

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